08 OCT 21

it has been a pretty crazy morning (its 0948 right now) i barely got any freakin sleep. work has also been really crazy in general its like everything is happening all at once but also taking forever to happen a really frustrating process but i will hopefully be out of this job and onto the next one within a year or so. its been very hard trying to get them to take any of my medical stuff seriously but they are finally looking into helping me now even though its not the greatest help i will at least be able to get out of here and hopefully move somewhere a little better and get a better job

the leaves are starting to change colors again and its always kind of a surprise im not used to living in this part of the south where the leaves actually change colors!!!!! back home in texas things would just be that weird summer-green color before we'd have a cold snap and everything would die all at once. THIS is the best part of the year even though im pretty sure i say that about every single season. so weird to think its already been a year since Last october.

perfect time of year to listen to some agalloch which is a band i like very very much give it a listen while you look outside at the driving autumn rain/swirling leaves and see what you think i put one of my favorite songs at the end of the post but they also do a lot of black metal and stuff like that if its too slow and gentle for you

i have had so many crazy and weird dreams recently because of a medication i got put on. i have never in my life dreamed as much/as fast paced as these were and it was literally every single night i would wake up about every hour or so bc of them. one of them was about how i was staying in a hotel with my friends and they put me in a really shitty room and everyone kept coming in there to pee in my bathtub but there was a secret door that led to the ""PRESIDENTIAL SUITE"" which had like 4 bedrooms and this really weird bathroom that went down a spiral staircase of 3 bathtubs shaped like oyster's shells and all had waterfalls going into each one of them. i wish i could draw it to show you guys what it looked like

today i am going to go to the store and get some stuff to start growing lions mane mushrooms, i want to start taking it beause i hear its really good for your brain like a lot of mushrooms are. took a break for a little while from the whole mycology thing because i had been at it for several months in a row since april and i was kind of tired of misting/fanning a bunch of fruits every day (not that i hated it i just kept being late to work bc of it) so that's what im gonna go do now i think. i hope your october is going great and that halloween comes real soon. gonna update the site soon, add some new art to the gallery and also hopefully add some new character pages for some OCs i haven't really talked about yet. we will see what i can get done today

01 SEP 21

august is already over just like dat i blinked and it was freaking gone but im kind of happy for it i feel like the summer is really great and all but by the time it gets to august im just tired of it. i am 23 years old now (on the 24th aug happy virgo season) and i got my wisdom teeth out yesterday. i dont remember much, just that when they grabbed onto one of my top teeth i started to get up and they told me to sit back down. also when they brought me out to my friends car i thought they were bringing me to my boyfriend for some reason and when i realized it was my friend i was pretty sad

i had a week of leave to do nothing but work on art and youll never guess what i did instead ( a hole bunch of nothing) grrr makes me so mad that i waste my valuable time doing nothing all day every day and by the end of it feel very rotten. i want to work on projects and be creative but where im at in life right now is so soul crushing and awful its all i can think about. also hate how all my sentences start with "i" "me" "my" how do i stop that. make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mushroom harvest went really well i got a lot out of these guys this time. perfecting it somewhat i guess. i got 4 more things coming along this time using a seedling mat to heat them up a little faster yay yay yay whee. ok i think that's all i feel like writing right now my mouth is hurting and im tired even though it feels like i sleep all day (feels likei am asleep more than i am awake in general now these days even when i am awake) oh well.

dont you want to go down here? i think it would be cool

30 JUL 21

back fo more it seems. its been a real busy week. i accidentally became a certified postal worker i can't explain how just know it wasn't supposed to happen and it happened anyway. WTF.....

you ever feel like you've just run out of music to listen to bc that's how i feel like recently ive just been listening to the same couple of songs on my way to work and i think it makes me a little bit crazy but im just kind of in a music funk recently no pun intended just haven't found anything to scratch that Itch for me. dum surfer by king krule is really good and i think you should listen to it

spent a lot of time drawing some petroglyphs for my new altar that im setting up its been a couple weeks in the making now just waiting for some stuff to come in the mail so i can finish setting everythingup. i will post pictures when its finished maybe.

ok well thats it for now i guess im real tired and wanna go sit in the bed

24 JUL 21

whats up its already almost the end of july... this year has just been a freakin whirlwind idk whats going on ever at all but maybe that's a good thing. we r almost out of the shittiest part of summer though i see and appreciate each and every season/weather for what it is i really do not like june-july in north carolina..... i think i complained about this last time so ill skip it just know it's hot as hell and there are bugs everywhere

i did an uh oh oopsie and cut my hair which ive been growing out for the last few months. i am trying to get really cool epic long hair but since it's so curly it takes it a while to get to the point where it grows down v instead of out -> so i got all frustated and tried trimming it back down... well lesson learned not to cut hair when youre all pissed off bc long story short (no pun intended) i cut off way more than i meant and had to trim it ALL off at that point. so now i look like a little boy and am being humbled

this time ill for sure stick with growing it out it already feels healthier than it used to all my dead ends are gone so we'll see what happens (ill get frustrated again probably) its hard with my current job i dont have enough time in between our morning workout and going back into work to actually take care of my hair the way it needs to be so it's bettter that its short for now

finally caught some free time today i think ill use it to work on my commissions and maybe some comic strips. do you ever get so ready to be finished with a project so you can move on to your other stuff? it feels like its been so long since i actually thought about any of my other original stories that im kind of forgetting what theyre about. thts why notebooks and .txt files are so important. there is a lot going on in my life atm which also makes it hard to find time to be creative when youre freaking out about the future and where youre going to be in a year or even 6 months. things will work out like they normally do i just have to be patient and kind of put on blinders until they get there

currently my schedule works like this:
0445 - alarm goes off
0500 - actually get out of bed
0530 - get in the car to go to work
0645 - get to work and wait in car
0700 - some kind of workout
0800 - get showered/cleaned up
0845 - drive back to work
0900 - go into the office
1130 - go and get lunch ( i normally find a quiet parking lot to sit instead)
1300 - go back to work
then the rest of the day just sort of depends on how stuff goes. i never really get off work the same time each day but if i get off early (like around 1400) i will just go home and go straight to sleep until its dark then hang out for a couple of hours before going back to sleep. point is i guess is that i am sleeping all weird and its got my whole shit thrown off because im always drowsy from taking these long ass naps instead of sleeping normally but personally i like to think my job just gets in the way of everything/true potential to be creative. i always feel really productive at night time and im always at my most exhausted when i get home from work so its sort of a vicious never ending cycle

projects im going to start working on soon. finishing up quinn & wwi gay romance story told through the letters/photos of an army photographer which im very excited about that 1. im not really sure what ill do with myself when im finished with these 2 stories but i have a lot of time to think about it so hopefully by then ill come up with something else that im just as excited about i dont think it will be that hard.

it is almost time for the most exciting time of year: SEPTEMBER aka big hurricane month. we haven't really seen anything up here in NC this year except for that little bit of tropical storm we got this month. the hurricanes here arent as scary as the ones back in texas since it is a little cooler up here and the biggest thing to worry about is flooding. feel very lucky that i live far inland and somewhat uphill and dont have to constantly feel nervous about hurricane season like back home.

hurricane rita / ike happened when i was still very young but i have very vivid memories of that time in my life and going to live with my grandmotehr for a while the storms came through and afterwards while the cleanup happened. its not as bad as it used to be but i have a phobia of storms and i get nervous whenever it gets dark and the wind picks up outside especially if there is hail or other things happening. thunder and lightning are fine but nothing makes me sweat like windstorms. about 2 years ago i got caught in a tornado while driving and it was one of da scariest things ever the rain was so hard and blinding you couldn't tell what was going on

do you ever stop to think really hard about your name. i have been moby for such a long time and "shepherd" for even longer but lately ive been thinking about changing things up. ill come up w ideas but nothing ever seems to really click/fit but even my current names dont really click/fit and i feel like my identity and brand for my art is all over the place right now while i try to sort out just What im doing and Who i am . it isn't enough to just simply exist in internet land now adays

hmm okay i think i have gone on enough for today and im just stalling. i have fungi to cultivate (today is the big day where a lot will go into FC) so i will see you all later

21 JUL 21

so tired of being busy work is crushing my nuts hard and im sick of it!! job is basically just background noise at this point. 2 day weekends are a scam, i feel like 3 minimum should b the standard. 1 day to unwind, 1 day to enjoy and then 1 day to mentally prepare yourself to work again it just makes sense right? i had a fun weekend with my friends who i hadn't seen in a few months. its hard to leave da house but its worth it sometimes

summer here is so hot and humid im thinking about back in texas how it was also hot and humid except for the brief moment i was living in austin and now im missing it. its just too big and expensive to live there now

18 JUL 21

its so hard to feel creative recently i feel so bored and so stagnant all the time but when it comes 2 actually doing anything about it?? i dont do anythin! seems like there are a lot of times on my way home from work where ill feel energized and ready to work on things but after an hour long commute by the time i get home i am ready 2 go to bed.

man o man how bad i wish i could work from home. ppl complain about it so much but i think i would benefit so hard if i could work remotely. watever maybe in the future if i can get my shit 2gether.

on another note im still sitting here thinking of stuff to add to this place. old neocities had a lot of different pages so thats why this one came along to keep it simple n plain but now i keep getting the itch to throw a bunch of shit on here kind of defeats the purpose but i dont think it matters tbh who cares at all. some of my grains were finished colonizing today so i moved them to substrate and now ijust have big heaps of dirt leftover sitting on my counter. cant throw it out bc its still useful i just need to wait for the rest of the grains to finish colonizing

if you ever get the chance you need 2 hold a brick of mycelium. mycelium puts off its own heat and while it's not really hot enough to really do anything its still warm enough to notice just very subtle and strange to think youre just holding something living even though its a hunk of rice. i think everyone should get the chance to grow mycelium/mushrooms mycology is very cool. a lot of sciences and stuffs like that were really hard for me to latch onto as a kid going through school and i cheated on all my science courses thru highschool (wasnt hard i was homeschooled) so the fact mycology came so easy to understand & get into was kind of a relief. sometimes i think im one of these ppl that get fed up w/ something if they dont immediately understand it (math, art)... i try not to be but its hard. You feel

ok well enough talking i guess its time to do some doing peace out

16 JUL 21

redoing my neocities now felt like i wanted to start things over and de-clutter its good 4 your brain. ill keep the old one up it just wont get updated any further unless i get all weird again and feel like switching back over